Yes, it's nearly time... The book I have personally been awaiting along with a number of others who no doubt thought is would never come to be, has a number and a place in the history books. Be it unknown as to what the place may look like, "It is..."

I have promised snippets of insight to the book here on my blog as the author of "A Love Beyond Time". Today I am opting to offer a sneak peek at one element of the story, perhaps a small element, but a large component of the make up of one of the main characters.

The hope I have in creating this character is to offer an insight to the lives of those born into the ministry and the pressure that appears to be unjustly placed upon them. The view is from a personal reflection of several pastors off spring that I have come to know through out my life.

There are so many old adages about the "PK" reputation. Two of the most common myths in my experience are:

1.) The unrealistic impressions of overly self righteous expectations.
2.) The old adage that you don't allow your children to date the Preachers kid cause everyone knows their the worst!

In "A Love Beyond Time" Katie, a lovely young woman, is attempting to discover her own identity, in spite of the image that a small community creates for her as the daughter of one of the area's church pastors. She is the youngest child of three and seemingly more aware of the burden of responsibility placed on her than her older brother. Though he is several years her elder, she views him as nearly perfect in her eyes. Katie struggles to meet the level of expectancy she feels he has put before her. Yet, she is willing to take the burden as it connects her to her own personal faith and belief. Her position is unlike Veronica’s, the middle child and Katie’s older sister. Veronica has since a youthful age been rebelling against all that her lot in life has dealt her.

It opens our eyes to the nearly mystical world of the life of many if not most that choose a life of service in the ministry. We can see from a more personal vantage point where such expectations can and often do affect the outcome and lives of those who we so often take for granted. Those individuals whom we inadvertently place our own image and expectations upon even without realizing we've done so.

The book takes us on a life time journey of twists and turns. With each passing chapter we never know what to expect as the cliff hangers continue to unfold. If honest, we can each find a bit of ourselves intertwined within the pages of the unfolding plot.

Didn't mean to enter that twice - but it appeared to have not gone through - it's gone now!

However, I didn't really think I could get away with entering one blog twice to fool you into thinking that I hadn't missed a day! But hey, thanks for the in-put Pamelita!!!! It's a great idea and a test to see if you're paying attention... tee hee hee

Yes, just when I was sure I had missed spring with temps reaching into the high 80's and low 90's in only the middle of April; it's now snowing only 24 hours later.

For those of you dying to know how red hot my sun experience left me, I'm glad to announce that the SPF facial protection I put on worked great - just a bit of color - not red or even pink for that matter. As for my legs - I don't understand it, as I used to sunburn so badly in such a short amount of time. However, now days my legs take a bit more exposure to get any color at all. Therefore the outcome is that they are fine as well.

My arms felt warm last night but today they are untainted. Then again, it was not all day but only about an hour when I was relaxing and then maybe 45 minutes when I was cleaning out the flower bed and such. So, the good news is the only thing sore is my back from bending over in the garden area. The bad news is the base tan still does not exist. LOL Oh well - at my age should it matter? Probably not, but for some reason it still does. <>

So, today I have reflected a great deal... I'm not all together sure why, but I have. I have thought about the way things seem in life versus the way they actually are. How the gravel meets the pavement so to speak.

I know I have addressed this issue before about not presuming to know about other life’s until you have actually walked in their shoes. And in 9 out of 10 of those situations we will never walk in those shoes... Maybe that is why the Bible is so clear on the judgment issue and strongly favors forgiveness for all, of all, in all.

Just thought I'd throw that out there today for all of you to mull around a bit. What each of us does with such thoughts is probably a very personal matter and between our creator and self.

Then the other matter I was drawn toward is the fact that I have had little to say on the whole Secret subject of late. Since the title of my blog is directly in correlation to such matters, I thought perhaps I may be a bit behind in bringing it up again.

It isn't that some days I choose to live by it, believe in it or apply it to my life and other days I simply blow it off. No, I do believe it as it is, as I have said many times before, "Biblically based". I apply it whenever, however and in any way I can, as often as I can remember to do so.

Do I see the impact of these principles taking root in my life? Most certainly! I am still awaiting the movie offer and believe it will come! <> However, there is another point in check that really needs to be addressed or perhaps re-addressed. It has been brought to my attention that there may actually be people out there who believe that magically, by positive thinking, they are going to have the desires of their hearts dropped in their laps.

Let me use a past example of God's grace and goodness and how this all applies, even at times when we don't have a name for it. A little over ten years ago we were given notice that the acreage and 13 plus stall horse barn and large home we had lived in for six years was no longer going to be permitted to house more than two horses. I don't recall just how many we had at the time, but I can assure you it was far more than two! We had a very small window of time to move or eliminate a large number of horses from our property.

We not only had the problem of finding a place where we could move to with all of our critters, but the bigger problem was finding somewhere that was suitable for foster care regulations, the critters and affordable as we were on a fairly limited monthly budget.

Sure, there were farms and acreages out there but most of them were three times more than we had been paying per month to lease our previous home. I had horses farmed out across half the county with friends from church and beyond. God provided a temporary solution and I was dreadfully fretful that the temporary would wear out before we found an option that provided something more permanent. After all, we couldn't expect to take advantage of the good nature of these individuals for too long!

It was the holiday season and nothing was coming together. We looked at so many places and one that I thought would be good for Ron, as it was much closer to where he was working at the time. However, the house was too small and the rent was much higher. Ron adamantly didn't want to move to the mountains and left me looking for more possibilities with my hopefulness growing dim. I finally went with the holiday season and quit worrying for the time. There was no point in fretting over it until after the first of the year and no one was indicating a problem with housing the horses at that point.

We went to Cheyenne for the day after the first of the year - in fact it was the New Years Eve weekend as I recall. On our way home we stopped by an all you can eat buffet in the Greeley area and picked up a Thrify Nickle in the free publications as we exited that night. The very next day was a Sunday…Ron read an ad for a farm for rent in that Thrifty Nickle. It seemed impossible and the distance Ron would have to drive was unbelievable, but we went to drive by and take a look out of curiosity more than anything else..

The long and the short of it, we moved in and have been here ever since. And the place we had moved from before that one had a similar story that left me a believer that God would not forsake us in our living situation.

I know there are many people who frown on renting and see it as a waste of money... But I have to tell you this situation has been the biggest blessing time and time again. So much so that I couldn't even began to share all of them here. The fact of the matter is that none of us, no not even one of us will live forever on this earth as it is now. Nope! And we surely can't take it with us... Shoot, for that matter we can't even be buried on our own property! So, with this much said, I have no regrets.

Sure, we are looking to buy "The Big House on the Hill" and I'm fine with it if it goes through and we end up moving there. However, on the other hand, I know with the right mind set being that of "The Secret", strong faith, and a thankful heart, we will be right where we are meant to be. It won't matter if it's here for some time longer, or in the house on the hill. I know in any event we will be looked after and loved just as much now as we ever have been. I know that I know that the perfect will of God has its best chance of playing out in our lives with the right mind set.

My point in all of this is simply, had we not been aware and looking, we would have or could have missed the opportunity. We could have not been willing to move in the direction that seemed to take us where God was leading. You can't just sit back and wait, you have to move forward, be willing to put yourself out there to be sure you're going where your destiny is calling you too.

"The Big House on the Hill" won't just fall into our laps! Really, rather we end up there or not, we had to begin a process and follow through with it until we knew for sure one way or the other.... We're still in the process... And we all know who's in the process with us by now - right?

What does this all mean? It means that I need to believe as if I have already received the blessing because I have. It means that I have to believe in the desires of my heart as if God put them there himself, for in most instances he did. It means that with the right mind set I am much more apt to be in a position to draw positive and positively impacting situations to my life and to the lives of those around me. It means that I am drawing on the good, positive and pure elements of the Universe as God has called them into play in all areas of my life.

What it doesn't mean is that I won't experience difficulties, tough days or moments of hopelessness when the stopper comes out of my whirlpool of life. It doesn't mean that I am immune from failure or experiencing life’s let downs... But I remind you that failure is only stepping stones to success!

Life is what it is, full of ups and downs, in and outs and situations that we simply can't predict. We know we are not going to live in this life as it is forever and that we will sooner or later lose loved ones or they will lose us. Will there be pain? Will there be grief? Will there be loss? Of course there will, but that is part of being alive, a part of the bigger picture. It makes me ponder “what if” we could only view death as graduation. We are quick to gather for graduation, wedding, awards and any number of other ceremonies; but the reality is that death is the greatest graduation of all! Our concern here should be to share the good news and the promise of this graduation... And then to be able to embrace the potential and happiness of those we love who have gone ahead of us knowing the Lord as their Savior.

So, how is life after the secret today you ask? Simply stated... "Very Well, Thank You!"

Be blessed and begin today in creating your own legacy of hope and fulfillment!!!!

Yes sireee... Tonight slogan could easily be "Got Aloe?"

Really, my eyes are blurred and I dare say I've broke a sweat... Did someone forget to tell me its summer already? I don't think I missed anything that big, but you could sure fool me by the temperatures out there today!

I opted for a spill of time in the blissful sunshine that had been predicted before the fall of cooler weather being ushered in by yet another spring cold front tomorrow. Though, don’t take that wrong, as I am a big supporter of spring storms that bring moisture to the dry terrain of our surroundings. However, I am human and the notion of missing the whole day by being tucked away in my mole hole of an office was less than pleasing!

Therefore, I put on shorts for the first time this year to start the day off right. As I was preparing to take in the sun, I saw absolutely no point in doing so without a tad bit of sunbathing... It's sad but true, even "extra skin" looks better with a hint of color to it! So, I grabbed a blanket throw from the living room stock pile and an over sized throw pillow - from the same stock and headed out to dabble in summer in April... Tax day nonetheless!

I had it planned out; I would lie across the swing in the back... After all, Sunday found me pulling the left over sunflower remains from last summer and flushing out the container pond for the first time. But the back swing was not to work. The bigger swing in the shade, which is perfect on hot summer days when I have the over sized pillows and the canopy cover to protect from any of those precious birds ill intended bulls eye hits, works best for such napping pleasures... But this swing, a smaller version of a two seater has this annoying bar in the middle that would not permit my intentions. I’m sure now that I want the new swing they came out with in the local garden shops last year that lays down into a double sized bed!!! Yes, I believe that would have worked best of all!

I surveyed the situation and knew with the sun beating down on me I simply couldn't miss the opportunity. I marched across the back drive area to the other side of the pine tree that plays host to somewhat protecting my large plastic loungers stacked together through the winter months. I tugged and pulled at the top lounger and began dragging it over by the pond area. The location of where I wanted to be was at least sure. And there I was, spreading my blankie across the chair in need of a good hose down, but would suffice for the moment. After all, with tomorrow’s rain, who knows, maybe it won't need it after all?

I positioned my pillow with the intentions of looking at the magazine Kelly wanted me to see with wedding innuendos. Oh my-my, it was much too bright to read or even look at pictures. So, I struggle to put the chair all the way down, as it is clearly a lay back and take it all in sort of moment. More like, lay back and close your eyes to the world sort of moment, which is just what I did. Some time later I decided I ought to turn over and get the back side too. In this position it was a bit more reasonable to look through the magazine. I’m simply amazed at how much they can fit into such a small publication... Before I knew it I could feel the backs of my knees screaming at the heat radiating into the pores of my skin.

I seriously doubt that there is any sunburn this time around, as my legs generally take more time than I sustained the blistering heat… <> But after an hour or so of being outside, I realized I was ready for a break! I needed to retreat to the protection and shade of the house once more! Maybe I need a nap now???? LOL

Not really... Well, maybe... But that's not the point, or is it? It's just plain beautiful for this time of year. I thought spring came about a month early in March but now I'm wondering if summer isn't knocking at the door as well. Then again, this is Colorado and you can't bet much on the weather here. It can be in the 80's in the middle of April one day and snowing and frigid the next. The fact of the matter is that could be the very scenario for tomorrow.

That's okay though, it's one of the perks of living in Colorado. Also the explanation for why one may see people in hoodies, sweatshirts and shorts at the same time on a regular basis. However, I'm thinking today would have been a good day to have been in Estes Park. A little more than an hour’s drive time and one could be enjoying the cooler mountain temps. Estes was forecasted in the high 60's but based on our highs, I'd say they may have even seen temps in the 70's.

Just wanted to address my thoughts of yesterday, I hope that I didn't seem too dreary or down. In fact I hope that one may note that the incident I eluded to did no more than make me aware of some I have inadvertently over looked; as well as reminding me of where my value must come from in Heavenly realms.

I'm sure I have more to say as I always do... But for now, I'm going to close this and get it submitted.

Hope you all had a great day and for those of you in the area, hope you were able to enjoy the early sampling of summer!

Blessings and Love to all!

Today I have dealt with the sharp pain of suddenly feeling insignificant in the life of someone who I had not thought such things of before... Oh, I suppose that's not all together true, I have felt the emerging little green monster creeping up from time to time. At these times such feelings alter my foothold in surrounding matters, but mostly it's all about feelings.

I searched for what I was after and failed to find it... Then I felt a twinge of anger which was really only the sublet of the hurt that so sharply cut right to my very core.

I truly thought I had overcome my dependency on what other people think of me or how they value me years ago. However, I once more found myself having to reason away my feelings, reminding myself every step of the way that my value and worth should not originate from human kind but rather from God alone. As much as this makes perfectly good sense, it is not always so easy to dismiss such hurts with such logic.

I had guarded my life for years by not being a feeler, not allowing anyone that close. Then I went through the bible study surrounding co-dependency and truly began to allow myself to feel even if it was painful. I have found it most certainly can be! Today was one of those days. I wanted to and even felt the brimming tears beginning to well up in my tear ducts as I fought to restrain them. I simply did not want to give way to the emotional flood that was overcoming me in the instance.

I swallowed hard and quickly forced my hurt feelings to surge on the Richter scale to anger so not to give way to what I was feeling. My son wanted to know what was wrong - I couldn't tell him. No, that isn't true either, I could have told him. But that would not have been right either. I was hurt but adding two hurts together doesn't make it any better... In fact, it generally only serves to add insult to injury and creates a dynasty of gossip and broken relations. None of this was necessary. Therefore I carried the feelings alone to protect everyone - ultimately myself; as much as I was hurt I didn't want to sacrifice the relationships at hand, even if they apparently are not what I had thought they were.

I am reluctant to even write about this other than to point out the reality that we all need to feel validated, loved, cared about, and you get the picture. We all have an inherent need to be included even if we choose to disclude ourselves and we all want our feelings and emotions to matter to someone - specifically to those whose feelings and emotions matter to us.

On the same hand, life isn't always fair and it doesn't always work out that way. We don't mean for it to happen, but sometimes it just does. I'm quite sure if the person I am referring to had any idea of what had occurred to cause me such hurt they would be inclined to attempt to make it okay, or fix it in any way they could. But the reality is that it really shouldn't matter one way or the other.

Nonetheless, the matter was such a burden to me at the moment that I went to my profile here on the blog and looked it over and wondered who I had inadvertently over looked. I had in fact failed to list many of our close family members. I promptly hit the edit button and began to type.

Maybe there is more information about the family tree than what many if not most would like to know. But it was necessary for me to do this. In fact, as I typed I began to realize how far I could take this in extended family and friends but opted to keep it limited to my husband and our own siblings and their immediate families as well as our mothers... And of course the kids.

Admittedly, I included names and connections of these people because they are important to us and our lives. Even though we may not always see one another as often as perhaps tradition would have it, or agree on everything from politics to religion; they are still significant others in our lives and hearts. More frankly stated, I don't want any of them to feel I don't value them or that they don't matter.

I'm not a big picture person and have added the pictures to my gallery that have been easily accessed in my readily available files... I will try to add to these in the coming months and share our beautiful families with all that choose to stop in to check it out.

In the meantime, I wanted to write about this here today for everyone else’s benefit as much as my own. First, it gave me a means of sharing a very vulnerable side of my personality... Secondly, I hope that it prompts those of you who have put yourself and your thoughts out there for public scrutiny to be absolutely certain that you include all your significant relationships and make every one in your circles know they are valued to you.

As for anyone out there who may have or may in the future experience any of these such feelings of insignificance remember this:
Our true value and worth truly does need to come from God above. If he is for us, who dare be against us!

In spite of the fact it is a Monday, along with the emotional folly, combined with the fact that my pond angel was knocked over and broken today; it's still a beautiful day the Lord has made! I for one will rejoice and be glad in it! Besides, we got to go to lunch with Amy and Lilly today for Chinese food. It was yummy food and conversation!

Remember - Life is a process -
God is in the process -
Therefore, we can trust the process!!!!