Yes sireee... Tonight slogan could easily be "Got Aloe?"

Really, my eyes are blurred and I dare say I've broke a sweat... Did someone forget to tell me its summer already? I don't think I missed anything that big, but you could sure fool me by the temperatures out there today!

I opted for a spill of time in the blissful sunshine that had been predicted before the fall of cooler weather being ushered in by yet another spring cold front tomorrow. Though, don’t take that wrong, as I am a big supporter of spring storms that bring moisture to the dry terrain of our surroundings. However, I am human and the notion of missing the whole day by being tucked away in my mole hole of an office was less than pleasing!

Therefore, I put on shorts for the first time this year to start the day off right. As I was preparing to take in the sun, I saw absolutely no point in doing so without a tad bit of sunbathing... It's sad but true, even "extra skin" looks better with a hint of color to it! So, I grabbed a blanket throw from the living room stock pile and an over sized throw pillow - from the same stock and headed out to dabble in summer in April... Tax day nonetheless!

I had it planned out; I would lie across the swing in the back... After all, Sunday found me pulling the left over sunflower remains from last summer and flushing out the container pond for the first time. But the back swing was not to work. The bigger swing in the shade, which is perfect on hot summer days when I have the over sized pillows and the canopy cover to protect from any of those precious birds ill intended bulls eye hits, works best for such napping pleasures... But this swing, a smaller version of a two seater has this annoying bar in the middle that would not permit my intentions. I’m sure now that I want the new swing they came out with in the local garden shops last year that lays down into a double sized bed!!! Yes, I believe that would have worked best of all!

I surveyed the situation and knew with the sun beating down on me I simply couldn't miss the opportunity. I marched across the back drive area to the other side of the pine tree that plays host to somewhat protecting my large plastic loungers stacked together through the winter months. I tugged and pulled at the top lounger and began dragging it over by the pond area. The location of where I wanted to be was at least sure. And there I was, spreading my blankie across the chair in need of a good hose down, but would suffice for the moment. After all, with tomorrow’s rain, who knows, maybe it won't need it after all?

I positioned my pillow with the intentions of looking at the magazine Kelly wanted me to see with wedding innuendos. Oh my-my, it was much too bright to read or even look at pictures. So, I struggle to put the chair all the way down, as it is clearly a lay back and take it all in sort of moment. More like, lay back and close your eyes to the world sort of moment, which is just what I did. Some time later I decided I ought to turn over and get the back side too. In this position it was a bit more reasonable to look through the magazine. I’m simply amazed at how much they can fit into such a small publication... Before I knew it I could feel the backs of my knees screaming at the heat radiating into the pores of my skin.

I seriously doubt that there is any sunburn this time around, as my legs generally take more time than I sustained the blistering heat… <> But after an hour or so of being outside, I realized I was ready for a break! I needed to retreat to the protection and shade of the house once more! Maybe I need a nap now???? LOL

Not really... Well, maybe... But that's not the point, or is it? It's just plain beautiful for this time of year. I thought spring came about a month early in March but now I'm wondering if summer isn't knocking at the door as well. Then again, this is Colorado and you can't bet much on the weather here. It can be in the 80's in the middle of April one day and snowing and frigid the next. The fact of the matter is that could be the very scenario for tomorrow.

That's okay though, it's one of the perks of living in Colorado. Also the explanation for why one may see people in hoodies, sweatshirts and shorts at the same time on a regular basis. However, I'm thinking today would have been a good day to have been in Estes Park. A little more than an hour’s drive time and one could be enjoying the cooler mountain temps. Estes was forecasted in the high 60's but based on our highs, I'd say they may have even seen temps in the 70's.

Just wanted to address my thoughts of yesterday, I hope that I didn't seem too dreary or down. In fact I hope that one may note that the incident I eluded to did no more than make me aware of some I have inadvertently over looked; as well as reminding me of where my value must come from in Heavenly realms.

I'm sure I have more to say as I always do... But for now, I'm going to close this and get it submitted.

Hope you all had a great day and for those of you in the area, hope you were able to enjoy the early sampling of summer!

Blessings and Love to all!

Today I have dealt with the sharp pain of suddenly feeling insignificant in the life of someone who I had not thought such things of before... Oh, I suppose that's not all together true, I have felt the emerging little green monster creeping up from time to time. At these times such feelings alter my foothold in surrounding matters, but mostly it's all about feelings.

I searched for what I was after and failed to find it... Then I felt a twinge of anger which was really only the sublet of the hurt that so sharply cut right to my very core.

I truly thought I had overcome my dependency on what other people think of me or how they value me years ago. However, I once more found myself having to reason away my feelings, reminding myself every step of the way that my value and worth should not originate from human kind but rather from God alone. As much as this makes perfectly good sense, it is not always so easy to dismiss such hurts with such logic.

I had guarded my life for years by not being a feeler, not allowing anyone that close. Then I went through the bible study surrounding co-dependency and truly began to allow myself to feel even if it was painful. I have found it most certainly can be! Today was one of those days. I wanted to and even felt the brimming tears beginning to well up in my tear ducts as I fought to restrain them. I simply did not want to give way to the emotional flood that was overcoming me in the instance.

I swallowed hard and quickly forced my hurt feelings to surge on the Richter scale to anger so not to give way to what I was feeling. My son wanted to know what was wrong - I couldn't tell him. No, that isn't true either, I could have told him. But that would not have been right either. I was hurt but adding two hurts together doesn't make it any better... In fact, it generally only serves to add insult to injury and creates a dynasty of gossip and broken relations. None of this was necessary. Therefore I carried the feelings alone to protect everyone - ultimately myself; as much as I was hurt I didn't want to sacrifice the relationships at hand, even if they apparently are not what I had thought they were.

I am reluctant to even write about this other than to point out the reality that we all need to feel validated, loved, cared about, and you get the picture. We all have an inherent need to be included even if we choose to disclude ourselves and we all want our feelings and emotions to matter to someone - specifically to those whose feelings and emotions matter to us.

On the same hand, life isn't always fair and it doesn't always work out that way. We don't mean for it to happen, but sometimes it just does. I'm quite sure if the person I am referring to had any idea of what had occurred to cause me such hurt they would be inclined to attempt to make it okay, or fix it in any way they could. But the reality is that it really shouldn't matter one way or the other.

Nonetheless, the matter was such a burden to me at the moment that I went to my profile here on the blog and looked it over and wondered who I had inadvertently over looked. I had in fact failed to list many of our close family members. I promptly hit the edit button and began to type.

Maybe there is more information about the family tree than what many if not most would like to know. But it was necessary for me to do this. In fact, as I typed I began to realize how far I could take this in extended family and friends but opted to keep it limited to my husband and our own siblings and their immediate families as well as our mothers... And of course the kids.

Admittedly, I included names and connections of these people because they are important to us and our lives. Even though we may not always see one another as often as perhaps tradition would have it, or agree on everything from politics to religion; they are still significant others in our lives and hearts. More frankly stated, I don't want any of them to feel I don't value them or that they don't matter.

I'm not a big picture person and have added the pictures to my gallery that have been easily accessed in my readily available files... I will try to add to these in the coming months and share our beautiful families with all that choose to stop in to check it out.

In the meantime, I wanted to write about this here today for everyone else’s benefit as much as my own. First, it gave me a means of sharing a very vulnerable side of my personality... Secondly, I hope that it prompts those of you who have put yourself and your thoughts out there for public scrutiny to be absolutely certain that you include all your significant relationships and make every one in your circles know they are valued to you.

As for anyone out there who may have or may in the future experience any of these such feelings of insignificance remember this:
Our true value and worth truly does need to come from God above. If he is for us, who dare be against us!

In spite of the fact it is a Monday, along with the emotional folly, combined with the fact that my pond angel was knocked over and broken today; it's still a beautiful day the Lord has made! I for one will rejoice and be glad in it! Besides, we got to go to lunch with Amy and Lilly today for Chinese food. It was yummy food and conversation!

Remember - Life is a process -
God is in the process -
Therefore, we can trust the process!!!!

Happy Spring Time! Or so it seems today and at least the next day or two!

Oh what a way to end the day.... Or start the week! I have to say, I rarely ever have time to myself - I mean totally to myself. If I'm at home there is the TV, kids, family and telephone and even generally when I'm away from home there are kids with me and at least my Mom. Now, don't get me wrong - I love having my Mom with me as my partner in crime which is more often the case than not... And I love my family, acknowledging they are no doubt this life’s greatest blessing to me! And even the kids, I realize why I do this job called foster parenting, as there are very few who really could do it and God for some inexplicable reason seen it best to bestow this gift (or curse as it may be) upon me... So, I'm not really complaining about the limited down time...But at the same time, when those rare and precious moments arrive they are generally unprovoked and come quite by accident. As was the case tonight! I had to go to the bank about 40 minute drive time one way. I stopped for a cup of coffee at a drive through on the way and went there and right back... Today was this incredible Colorado spring day that makes one remember after several days of unmerciful winds AGAIN - why we still choose to live here in this pristine region! The sunset was prime time for my drive, without even so much as a cloud in the sky anywhere along the vast front range, as far as I could see! Truly it was an awesome view and as I drove I took it in and talked a lot with God. We haven't had such quality alone time with such dramatic scenery for sometime! Really - the surroundings of my bedroom, complete with more than any room should have in it and a closet that continues to fall down little by little with little more to go before it is totally non-existent! I swear that one way or the other it is getting fixed this summer! Either it's fixed after we empty it when we are moving or it gets fixed because we are staying, but either way - it's getting fixed and the closet project I started about five years ago is getting finished if it kills me! But back to the point - the fact of the matter is, either the bedroom or bathroom are my only solace really... I haven't taken any walks as dusk since fall so tonight turned out to be a blessing to spend the time alone.

Funny thing is everyone I think felt a little bad that I had to go by myself.... tee hee hee... That's okay; they can think that as some times that would truly be how I'd feel too, just not tonight.

So, I discussed past goof-ups that I have made, things I am still ashamed of, feel guilt over and so forth from years past... I was thinking about my life and some of the things I'd wished I had done differently from clear back in my youth... Silly I know, but we tend to do this sort of thing in life. We get some baggage and think we just can't part with it... Much like the other clutter that is going bye bye this year if, I mean when we move... And if we don't move, I still need to lighten up! However, he (God) reminded me once more that I have been forgiven and until I let it all go and forgive myself that I have this huge weight around my neck - like being thrown over board with a cement block chained to my foot. I am working on dumping my baggage once and for all. It's time to move on as I know that God has immense blessings in store for me - not that I deserve them or am worthy, but because he so loves me and has such a plan for my life. I know as much as I have screwed things up more than once, that my heart is his and in this is his pleasure and desire to bless me accordingly. The good news is he feels the same way about everyone of us who turn our lives over to him! Isn't that a great reminder tonight?

Anyway, the ride was awesome - the music was perfect, the sun set and even the star filled night sky which was romantically enchanting in a special sort of way. I love all that we are surrounded by in the world of nature that God has so masterfully created for our viewing pleasure. Dark, star lit skies are so vast and create such thoughts of imagination and dreams! And falling stars??? Will, that's just God reminding me he's still here and listening - like he's smiling and winking right at me. And somehow he knows just when I need one of those smiles the most!

About the rest of the day? Sort of up and down, but productive nonetheless. It was all in all a pretty good weekend. I think next week we are taking in the first race of the season on Sunday afternoon at the I-76 dirt track speedway... That will be fun so we have to believe for warm spring like weather like we had today! Some of the boys have never been to the races so it should be fun for them too!

See what I mean... As angry and upset as I may get with them - as was the case today when I discovered the absolute destruction of my little garden shop area again! However, I am still thinking how nice it will be to take them to do something that I think they will enjoy and haven't gotten to do before.... That has to be a gift from God - as I know most everyone around me hardly understands it. I think even Ron has trouble with it at times, but it's sort of rubbed off on him. He may voice his disdain with situations, talking tough, but all in all, he's the one who generally pays the way to these special outings and enjoys as much as anyone seeing their eyes light up for the first time to try something new.

It wasn't too long ago I over heard him discussing how many kids had learned to water ski behind our boat... It was said with some heart, but he'd probably deny it...

So, here we are...The end of the weekend, and the beginning of a new week with tons of promise, many hopes and even more prayers. A clear slate and a fresh view from my brief trip alone tonight... It's all good!

I hope you have had a chance to enlighten yourself with only God and yourself alone lately, and if not, you might want to take that walk at dusk tomorrow or the next night... I'm sure he's waiting!!

Have a happy and blessed week and I promise to try to be better about my daily attendance here over the coming days!

Love to all!
Sher Bear

It's nearly Friday - but as for today - it's not Friday yet!

I heard of a fellow whose life had fallen apart in every sense of the word. This poor fellow's business had faltered, his wife had left him, and his kids were trouble with a capital T sort of thing from what I gathered. He had little to live for and was falling further and further into his own negativity created and fueled by all that surrounded his existence at this point in his pathetic life.

But one day, for whatever reason he realized he had to do something different if anything was going to be different again in his life. He opted to start every morning by making a list of ten things he had to be thankful for and then dwelled on these ten things through out the day. When negative thoughts and situations would come up against him he would focus on the blessings of his morning list and focus on the positive.

The long and the short of the story, as his thoughts changed, so did his life and all that was negative within it. I don't know what the ultimate ending was, so to enhance the story, I'll make up my own version of his happy ending. His wife begged his forgiveness and asked him to take her back and they lived happily ever after... His business thrived and he ultimately became a multi-millionaire. One of his kids turned out to be a noble peace time winner; another became a neuro surgeon and developed the fix for those with paralysis; and still another went on to become a US Ambassador who brought good will to third world countries through their generosity and goodness. How's that for the ultimate visualization?

Let's be honest now... Most of us would consider this mans turn around successful if he was able to at some point in his future have a successful relationship with a significant other - not necessarily his ex-wife.... And if his kids simply grew up and remembered to call him to say they loved him on a somewhat regular basis, along with enough business to provide an income to pay for his living expenses and a little extra; highly successful from where he started. But why would anyone settle for such an outcome when the sky is the limit? <>

I'm not talking about growing greedy rich..... Money doesn't buy happiness - but it sure does afford us the option of blessing other people which in turn brings us joy to our days. I think of Christmas time and realize that there is a definite pattern going on. I love to find ways to enlighten and surprise those getting gifts who I know won't expect what they receive. It doesn't always work out that way, but I try. I have found myself so engrossed in watching these others open their gifts that I nearly forget to open my own. It's just so much fun to see their faces! But the problem as it is, those same individuals are now turning the tables on me! They too are finding more joy in giving than in receiving! Oh gee, what to do, what to do???

Yet, I smile at a job well done when I stop long enough to realize that the seeds of love, generosity and giving beyond self have taken root and the tree of life continues to bloom more beautifully than the year before, progressively more by each passing year.

I see God's love reflected in this joy of sharing and giving and give thanks that the prayers have not been in vain! And yes, I relish the gifts I receive even more for the value in what they offered the one giving them.

So it is... Today however, was one of those days. I had to go to Denver and sit for my weekly five hour tour of duty for counseling and group sessions for the boys entrusted to our care. It is safe to say they do not enjoy this duration of sitting and waiting any more than I do... But we all resign ourselves to the reality that is just a fact of the situation we are all in for one reason or another.

The monthly paper work from last month that was due to be turned in was at least complete, but I find myself dragging myself out of bed to face the day with a certain amount of dread. But I manage to muddle through and "get er' done."

Then at last, we arrive home only to have the boys outside nearly three times longer than they should be... I'm frustrated and more than annoyed at the delay and the wait for their presence. Why? I should think that it's no skin off my back that they are outside so much longer than they ought to be... Why do I care one way or the other? Because I just do! It's me, my make-up, my chemistry, it's simply who I am and who God made me to be.

However, my irritation transferred root to one of the boys who didn't much appreciate my intolerance to the on-going situation. Everything inside of me wanted to dismiss him for the night, strip his privileges for the weekend and make him suffer his own consequences... And quite frankly this would have been totally acceptable by his attitude and actions! However, I have to re-think this... If I don't get him to think through this tonight, I have a pissed off and unpleasant teenager to deal with for the coming weekend. Probably not a good idea in the bigger picture. Call me self motivated, but it simply doesn't make sense to play the game by the kids rules... So, I bit my tongue and told him if we had to stay up until three a.m. to resolve his disrespect and attitude I was up to the challenge. I gave him the opportunity to sit and think it out a bit.... Fortunately, within less than 20 minutes or so he was ready to talk it through. I am happy to report alls well that ends well. Believe it or not, this kiddo is making great strides and improving the out look of his future like you wouldn't believe. But I know that others have a bit of trouble seeing the potential that I see. I'm confident and with this one I can see the reason God put him here. Sometimes with some of the others, I have to wonder!

Now, it's late and I'm tired but wound tight... I have an appointment at 8 a.m. about thirty or forty minutes from home along with my Mom who isn't thrilled to be going to an appointment at the crack of dawn - not really, but so it sometimes seems. Even if it does involve a free twenty minute massage!

I think I shall end the day with ten things to be thankful for and sleep on them. Then perhaps the morning will come with ease, which it has to be better already! After all, the paper work is turned in, this month is well in progress for a change and the weekly afternoon of waiting for appointments to conclude is behind me for another seven days! See, there you have it; three things to be thankful for before I even get started!

BTW - somewhat encouraging news on "The Big House on the Hill" came today, but we still don't know anything for sure... Keep visualizing with us! God's Universe will have to oblige to see this through if it is in the greater good for the future with all this positie in-put arriving from so many different sources! <>

Here's hoping you all have ten times ten things to be thankful for tonight and wishing you a wonderfully blessed Friday!

Good Night World and God Bless!
Love to all....
Sher Bear

As I entered my blog last night and then re-read it again this morning to make corrections I was inclined to want to elaborate on our trip to Estes Park... I even began to add and then thought better of it. I deleted what I had added and thought what a waste to do that on a blog already submitted when I could enter the thoughts of the trip into today's blog instead!

Then I get the sweetest comment sharing such exact memories that belong to someone else. With little more consideration, I realize that this is in fact what I needed to write about tonight!

As we drove up I asked my co-pilot (my Mom) if we should take the standard route to Estes or the Glen Haven route. She opted for the Glen Haven road that takes you to the upper far side of Estes a ways above the world resound Stanley Hotel.

It is a bit further than the other way and as I began up the familiar roadway, seeing the snow on the shady side of the mountain I wasn't sure this was a wise idea, remembering the fact that there are some serious switch back curves before reaching the crest of the mountain. However, I continued on and figured if it was so bad we could just go slower. However, the twelve or so miles up the road found the hills covered in sunlight and completely clear of the snow from earlier in the week.

Before one crests the mountain just past those hair pin curves you are surrounded by rocks, steep mountain sides and trees. It is true; the only way to see anything other than what densely surrounds you is to look straight up. However, at the very top, as you come over the top it is as if you were suddenly exposed the very heart and soul of God himself. It has to be one of the most magnificent sights I have ever had the pleasure of viewing first hand. It's beyond breath taking and I can scarcely remember a time that I haven't seen the cars that are passing by stopping to take pictures against the back drop of the mountain scene. I wish I could explain it, but it is beyond words. You feel that you must be very close to the top of the world and it has to be ever so close to Heaven!

The kids are generally even impressed with the views and that is going some for teenage boys who have been raised in Colorado!

So, then it is we drive down into the valley and turn onto the highway that runs up above the town itself and heads toward one of the gates of the Rocky Mountain National Park. Before arriving at the gates of the park which are obviously still closed for the season, there is a visitor’s center. We stop for a stretch and bathroom break. Inside one cannot simply walk in and out without noticing the wide array of gift and miscl items that you will seldom find down on the flat lands of Colorado. I could spend a fortune in this store and wonder why I don't think to go Christmas shopping there.

We leave and walk to the visitor’s information building, but unfortunately still early on in the season, the doors are only open on weekends until May.

It's back in the car and on our way down toward the town or more like village of Estes Park. We reminisce again about the times we delivered yellow book phone directories in the area a few years back for extra Christmas money. It was a blast with the kids who were helping us and the things we experienced in the process.

The delivery days were in the fall. A time of year that the wildlife is at it's prime. Coming off of a full season of plentiful grass and all that enhances their rustic and beautiful coats, the elk and deer are majestic in their appearance! But even growing up in a mountain community of Colorado where the elk herds were known of, I had never in my life had the opportunity to witness a bull elk bugling! Nor had my mother... That is until that eventful delivery saga of our lives. Just having a reason to drive back on all these private drive ways and remote areas that we would never have accessed otherwise was an experience, but the best part was that is where it all took place. So it was we spent one full day in what felt like a track to follow a herd of elk and deer - the elk came first and the deer were about a half mile or so behind them. They went up and then back down this range we suspect for grazing and then back for water at the river below. But who knows for sure? First we heard it and wondered if what we heard was in fact a bull elk bugling...But unsure still. It was in a private drive that the herd passed by us once more and the daddy of em' all or so we thought at the moment was standing there, no more than twenty feet or so in front of our vehicle with his head back so far his antlers rested on his back. It is a sound like no other and again is but one more thing in this region of God's country that defied words!

So, onward we go, making out way up and back down. We saw a small herd of mule deer that were uninterested in entertaining us. Then a herd of mountain sheep that honestly we rarely see up in this area though I knew they are there. On the way through Estes proper we made our way to the middle of town and up the hill and out of town the other direction toward the other gate, on the same road as the YMCA camp/resort. The stories continued as we laughed smiled and watched for wildlife sightings headed upward. This side of the park only offers a camp ground and more views from a slightly different angle. This place brings back more memories of a time I made the trip by myself. I recall standing outside the car, there was no one in sight, no other cars, no noise, nothing but me in the presence of God. I swear to this day he encircled and embraced me in the Chinook winds that were blowing that day. Though they were bringing in a storm they felt so warm and embracing to me in that moment. I knew I was in his presence in some inexplicable way.

We spotted a herd of elk at last. They stood with their coats looking moth eaten by the shedding of their once beautiful winter coats, somewhat slighter than they entered the winter several months earlier. There they stood staring back at us as though we were the attraction and they were the tourists.

The most amusing sight was a magpie bird landing on the back of one of the elk. He wasn't pecking at any sores or anything like that. No, this bird simply appeared to be warming his feet on the cooperative elk's back. The bird was still there when we drove on, but most amazingly he was still a top the same elk when we came back down the road. It was a picture perfect moment when the elk turned her head all the way around and looked at the bird as if to talk to it, though she didn't shoo it away, nor did it leave on its own accord. As they walked on the bird was happy to be her traveling partner. Amazing how God makes a way for nature to co-habitat in such a way.

Next drive around was through the YMCA resort area. It's a fun place to even drive through. We stopped and had a picnic here with the boys last summer and always enjoy seeing the hum of activity that fills the air just above the quiet of this mountainous region. I smile at the thoughts as I recall the movie Dirty Dancing when I see the sign for employee housing across from the horse stable some distance away from the guest cabins.

At last we head back to the village town of Estes once more. We see yet another herd of elk and deer on the way. We opt for Subway and turn back to go to the one in town. Why that one? You see, several years ago, I do mean several, as back in the early 90's we were showing our horses at the "Colorful Colorado Horse Show". It was an incredible show with the dramatic back drop of the region and offered qualifying classes for Palomino, Buckskin and Quarter Horse registries. It was a divine show for all intensive purposes. I'm not sure what happened with this placement, but sadly the show is now held in Colorado Springs in place of Estes. But on one of those years, I recall my Mom and I arriving late one night before the show was to begin the next day. We were starved and the only thing open was that little Subway shop in town. It has long since been remodeled and looks nothing the same, but it's always nice to recall such good memories.

By the time we were done with lunch it was time to make the trek back down to the flat lands, to the place we call home. It was a nice day and left the boys ready to snooze most of the way back.

I'm sure that I have not done the scenery or the trip justice by my words which could not possibly convey the wonders that one witnesses in such a day trip, but it does offer a small glimpse into the world of wonder as I see it.